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[...]The Intensive Art » Blog Archive » A Dark Place[...]…

Personally, I’m an optimist who likes to find solutions and not dwell on problems. If things aren’t going well, I like to take a stab at trying to fix them or at least offering some suggestions, rather than just droning on and on about the negatives and pushing through day in and day out. “It is what it is” is the worst saying I’ve ever heard. To me, that is acceptance of defeat. “I can’t change it, therefore I must accept it, no matter how horrible.” It is hard to be a shining light when surrounded by those who try to drag you down. Many nurses thrive on complaining and negativity, instead of offering solutions or suggestions for change and keeping an open mind.

All I can advise, and I know a large amount of time has passed since you wrote this post, is to stay the course for awhile. Keep plugging away. Don’t let all the negatives, criticisms, bitterness, etc become a part of your world – or it will destroy you. Be the calm strength that you already know yourself to be. If someone wants to criticize you for staying to calm, feel badly for them – because they are probably criticizing out of jealousy that they don’t know how to stay calm in that sort of situation. They can’t imagine how someone could because they don’t know how to do it themselves.

And most importantly, remember this. As hard as it will be to look back on this someday, remember it – everything about it. I went through my own dark place – I never got out of bed (except in pajamas to go to the couch to watch movies, where I’d often fall back asleep), didn’t even pick up my apartment or go food shopping for several months on end – I can now look back and say it *was* full-blown depression, but much of it was situationally influenced. Nobody was there to help me through it, either. I’m still not sure how I made it out to the other side. And when I think back on that time, it makes me so sad and upset that it’s hard for me to stand thinking about it for very long at all – but remembering it helps me to help others. Remembering it helps me to be the calm, compassionate person I am to those struggling around me at times. I think I react with patience and compassion for new staff that come to our unit. Maybe there are times when I don’t, but I try to be a positive, reassuring force than a negative, criticizing, tearing down one. Safety has to come first, so if I have to intervene on behalf of a newer staff, I will, but I don’t just tell the person what an idiot they are – but rather encourage that newer staff member to reflect on the situation and learn from it – incorporate it in to their practice. While at this point in time, new staff seem to be a rare commodity as hospitals aren’t filling a lot of open positions in this economy (at least in the US), there will come a time when a newer nurse will really appreciate you being who you are. Remembering what you went through will help you to be a stable, consistent role model for newer nurses and give them someone positive to emulate, versus the negative they see all around in your unit.

And when all is said and done, it is of some importance to note that we don’t always have to adapt to survive a situation. Merely surviving is not always the goal. If in the end, you find this job eats at your very life and soul, then find a new direction. It is not a personal weakness or anything of the sort. It is a choice not to live a life where you are merely surviving a terrible situation – but choosing to thrive in a situation better suited to your needs and personality.

As I said, I know quite a bit of time has passed since you wrote this post, and perhaps you are already seeing this through different lenses. Hang in there – it saddens me that so many nurses go through this – it really shouldn’t be that way. We should be a support system to each other, not a hostile environment. Your patients and their families will appreciate you for being compassionate, kind, patient, calm, thoughtful, and all of the things you are. And you will find your knowledge will one day be where you want it to be – my guess is there are by now many things that you could feel comfortable doing or seeing as compared to when you started!

Take care,
Carrie

People say it’s so rewarding to be a nurse. I’ve yet to feel ‘rewarded’. I just come home worn out and DREAD going back. Ugh.

Dave