The Intensive Art

I have a new best friend….

I am in love with my new Stiletto 100 portable Sirius radio. I have been wanting to buy one for awhile now, but didn’t have the money for it. So! I decided that it would be a present to myself for writing my RN licensing exam. I don’t even care that I haven’t written the exam yet! That would be occuring on Wednesday.

I was doing some pediatric practice questions yesterday. I got almost all of them wrong. Unfortunately, I just don’t have all that much time to go back and learn more about peds. Instead, I need to focus on practicing the written questions. I will also be spending some time on cardiology since previous exam writers stated that there was a heavy focus on the good old heart.

Ugh! I just want to pass the test and move on with my life.

Anyway! Back to the Stiletto 100. Could there be a greater invention than satellite radio? I spent a couple hours this morning listening to the OutQ morning radio show which I instantly loved. I listened to the Broadway channel as I walked home today…which I love. Other favorites are CBC radio one (of course) and Alt Nation who did a 90s music weekend.

*swoon*

The greatest part is that when a song I like comes on, I hit the “love button” and it instantly records the song to memory so I can listen whenever I desire. I can also program it to record chunks of time. For example, I’ve set it to record the Broadway station every Monday because they play an entire musical start to finish.

Anyway…back to the studying…*cries*

THE RULES: Each player of this game starts with the 6 weird things about you. People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave a comment that says you are tagged in their comments and tell them to read your blog.

1.) I am obsessed with Days of Our Lives. I have been watching it since I was eight years old or so. I’m a little mad at the show for changing a bunch of the actors recently…but I know that a year from now I will have forgotten all about it. That’s just the way soaps work. My favorite character by far is Stepheno…I miss having him as a visible and regular character on the show. The Vivian/Ivan duo is a close second for favorite. I digress…

2.) I love the Mormon religion. I love it’s fascinating and rich history, beautiful architecture, rituals, and most of all..its people. I have through the years done a lot of research and talked with many friends who were Mormon. I seriously believe that if I were not gay, didn’t have objections to the rigidity of some of their beliefs, or dislike their their practices of prostelatizing, I would look into joining. I know…that’s a big list. However, most people don’t know the extent to which their rituals are based on old masonic/pagan influences–which definitley jives with me.

3.) I think nurses are much too obsessed with the cleaning of patients. I understand the importance…but not the obsession. We have elderly people come in who are used to bathing once or twice a week. However, some nurses insist in it being done twice a day. I wash my sheets at home once every 1-2 weeks…but 1-2 times a day in the hospital? I’m telling you….it’s an obsession that’s running rampant! On a busy day, it’s one of the things to go first when trying to prioritize. I know…it’s controversial…and makes me a horrible nurse. *rolls eyes*

4.) I believe nurses are literally decades behind in their technology skills. Nurses are touted as being users of technology, but for the most part their skills are laughable. I had to teach one nurse how to double click yesterday, and another how to scroll. Nursing is completely backward in its use of available technology…and this is completely because older nurses (who have the strongest say) reject it completely. We need to get into the 1980s and start to use computers!!! We just implemented a brand new computer system that is intended to create a paperless work environment. It *could* make our days easier and more efficient; however, there is a strong refusal on the part of the nurses to use the systems as intended. When I asked our unit educator about our incorrect use of available technology, I was simply told, “the older nurses would never accept the changes.” I say stop babying them and start expecting them to learn and change. Lets face it, computers are here to stay…LEARN HOW TO USE THEM!

5.) I hate crime shows. This includes Law & Order, CSI, Boston Legal, all true crime shows. I find them completely boring and uninteresting.

6.) If I could “do it all over again,” It’s possible I wouldn’t choose to become a registered nurse again. The job is nothing what I expected. It’s physically, emotionally, and mentally harder than I ever expected. Knowing the pace and amount of work I put in every day and the enormous decision making power/responsibility* involved, I wouldn’t have considered it a well paying job. Nurses deserve at least double what they make here (about $29 – $36 an hour).

*On a side note to point six…has anyone had this experience:

Nurse Sean: “I’ve decided to take your Foley out” (This was a urology unit where nurses made that decision…I know not all units give nurses that authority…insert any number of nursing decisions here if desired).

Patient: “OK, so we’ll wait until the doctor comes in the morning and tells us to do that?”

Nurse Sean: “Uhm….actually, doctors have nothing to do with this….nurses make decisions like that.

Patient: “Maybe we should wait until the doctor is here. He might be mad if you don’t ask him if it’s ok.”

Nurse Sean: *Sigh*

Everyone just assumes nurses are around to do what doctors say. They think we get a list of orders and go to work. It’s more of a team effort…they give us orders for what we need to do, and we make lists of things we need them to do.

For example, after my last night shift I gave the doctors a “to do” list that looked something like this:

1.) Mr. Smith needs an order to irrigate his drains
2.) We started an NG tube on Ms. Connor and need orders for same
3.) I gave Mr. Elliott tylenol, I need an order for it

On the same night, I called a doc and said,

“Mrs. Ruth is having chest pains, I ordered an ECG, CBC, lytes, troponins, started O2, and gave her morphine. I need you come see her and sign off on those orders.”

The point is, sure doctors make lots of decisions…however, it is often nurses who call doctors, or write them lists that say, “I have decided the patient needs (insert whatever) and I need you to order it. Television would have you believing that doctors are the only decision makers in the hospital.

I won’t keep going…this whole “media image of nurses” is a dead horse that really doesn’t need to be beaten right now. I’m just tired of people underestimating the power/knowledge/skill of nurses. I challenge anyone who’s not a nurse to follow me around for a day and not have a completely new understanding of our profession. You may think you know what nurses do….but you don’t.

Sean

P.S. I didn’t tag anyone…I’m not much of a “tagger.” If you haven’t done this meme and would like to…go for it!

I thought I had left World of Warcraft behind me. I had absolutely no plans to ever play again. I hated the feeling of being completely sucked in and addicted. Just this morning I said to myself, “it feels good to not have played WoW in three months…and it feels even better to not care.”

But I walked into Future Shop today, saw the expansion pack sitting on the shelf…and like a zombie I grabbed it and bought it.

So, here I go again. I will see y’all in a few months when I surface again.

Seriously….worse than crack!

OK! I figured out the issue with my pictures from Moose Jaw. They aren’t really anything special (most were taken spontaneously from the inside of a moving car…so not great quality), but I thought I would share.

This first picture is from the morning we left Moose Jaw to come home. This is the Motel 8 we stayed in. In the background is the sign for the Humpty’s where we ate. One of the best meals I’ve had in a long time!

This is the view of the pending sunrise. This was almost 9:00am! The sun comes up later in Moose Jaw

These next two pictures are from downtown Moose Jaw. The first shows Main Street with their Christmas decorations. The second picture is an example of the beautiful architecture available there.

These next two pictures are examples of buildings that gave me that “apocalyptic” feeling. Buildings like these were everywhere, and seemed too big for the town they existed in.

And of course…here’s my picture of Mac the Moose!

My weekend began with a call at about 9:30am on Friday. I was having a horrible day. I’m sure you know the type of day I was having–I woke up on the wrong side of the bed and the day just conspired to keep me in a cranky mood. Every word, gesture, or action by any human being just served to make me angry. The mere existence of humanity and the world itself was enough to make want to scream in rage. Yes, it was one of “those” days.

The phone call went out to R. that I needed to get the hell of the city. We had been hinting of driving somewhere on the weekend, and I knew that I needed to reinforce that idea. The comfort of R.’s voice and the knowledge of an upcoming mini road trip kept me sane for the rest of the day.

We woke up at 7:00am Saturday with absolutely no knowledge of where we would be going. I finally decided that we were just going to start driving east with absolutely no plans as to where we were going to end up, or what we would do when we got there.

I secretly hoped we would get all the way to Saskatchewan. You see, while I have been all over the world, I’ve only been to two provinces in Canada–Alberta and BC (as long as you don’t count airport visits). So, I thought it would be nice to add Saskatchewan to my short list. But, I knew it was a long way to Saskatchewan and we only had the weekend.

We hit the road with the requisite bag full of McDonalds crap. I received the Garth Brooks collection from Wal-Mart for Christmas, so I slapped in one of those CDs and away we went. I bet a lot of you didn’t know about my secret Garth Brooks obsession. It’s the only country I ever have (or will) listen too. I’ve never been a country music fan, but somewhere along the way I became obsessed with Mr. Brooks, and never let go.

The first of many Tim Hortons stops was in Strathmore. By then, R. was sick of Garth Brooks, so I put all 3298 songs on my iPod on shuffle. Strathmore was a symbolic spot for me. It’s the farthest east on the Trans Canada highway that I have ever gone. As soon as we drove east of Strathmore, the trip was officially an adventure.

Our next stop was Brooks for more Tim Hortons. OK, seriously, what is that smell? I’ve heard that Brooks, Alberta had a “smell” to it, but it still took me by surprise. So, I ask all those that may know…what the heck is that smell?

(by the way…as I type…I’m eating vegetable barley soup from Planet Organic. It’s delicious! Go get some!)

After Brooks, I started to realize that this is a really dull chunk of the Trans Canada Highway. It’s nothing like heading west into the mountains, and R. states that after Saskatchewan there’s trees and lakes etc. All I could see was farm after farm after farm. I really started wondering what the heck was the goal of this road trip. I knew that I wanted adventure and fun. I wanted to explore and to experience new places, but at this point, all I had done was eat fatty foods, drink coffee, and watch run-down farm buildings fly by.

Medicine Hat was all about stopping and eating Arby’s. I expected Medicine Hat to be bigger. Perhaps it just looked small from the Highway, but I was sure it would have some office towers, malls, and suburbs. Instead, it just looked like another small prairie town. It’s amazing how you tend to build up pictures in your mind of cities that you have heard about all your life, but have never been to. I guess one of the fun parts of road trips is seeing just how these pictures differ from reality.

A few more minutes out of Medicine Hat and *poof* we were in Saskatchewan. I can add it to my list of Canadian provinces I have been to. I expected the moment to be more exciting, but really, it was all about going from prairie to…more prairie. Saskatchewan stretched into the distance in every distance but behind and I couldn’t wait to see what this trip would bring me.

Saskatchewan immediately invoked a feeling of loneliness for me. There was a huge feeling of emptiness that surrounded me as I looked out the window. The best word I was able to use for what I was seeing was “apocalyptic.” Every building we saw looked completely abandoned. Farm houses seemed rare. There were no little tiny towns. It was as though we were the only people in the entire world.

The weather started getting bad. Clouds drifted in and created almost no visibility. Now, in every direction were dense clouds. Snow blew across the road in gusts of wind. This all added to the empty feeling as we ploughed though Saskatchewan. I had no idea what was keeping us going. Every kilometer we drove, the farther we came from home, the greater our drive back was becoming.

Swift Current was a welcome sight. We parked the van and walked through the powerful winds into an old small town mall. Swift Current was also so much smaller than I always imagined. I started to wonder why I see towns as bigger than reality.

The mall was filled with numerous old people sitting in the food court, gossiping about life. I definitely felt like an outsider as the occasional crowd of old people stopped their conversations midstream and looked at us, wondering who the hell we were. We quickly used the bathroom and got out of there.

R. finally asked the questions we were both thinking. Do we stop? Go back? Keep going? Up until that point I was thinking, “we need to stop in Swift Current. The weather’s getting worse, and we’re getting FAR from home.” but I couldn’t believe when out of my mouth spilled, “We have to go to Moose Jaw…and I’m driving.”

The weather was horrible for about an hour, but it cleared up as the sun started to sink. I couldn’t believe that we had been driving so long that we had left Calgary just after sunrise, and we would be arriving at our destination just after sunset. Not to mention, I still hadn’t discovered the purpose of our trip. While we were traversing new territory, we weren’t really exploring, discovering, or experiencing anything. Really, all we had done was sit in a car and listen to a couple hundred random songs that in some way represented my life.

Moose Jaw! I don’t know why, but I have always wanted to see Moose Jaw. So, as I drove into town, I couldn’t help but feel excited. I couldn’t believe my eyes! Moose Jaw was WAY bigger than I had expected. There were tones of houses, malls, tall office/apartment buildings. And Main Street was so cool! It was filled with old, historic buildings with big personalities. It was dark, so there wasn’t much opportunity to look around, and we were tired and numb from driving for seven hours. We found a dirt-cheap hotel, went to Boston Pizza for dinner, and went to bed.

Boston Pizza was fun. There really was a community feeling in that place. Everybody seemed to know each other, mingling at different tables. Some people seemed as though they just hung out there a lot, others seemed as though they came from their kid’s hockey game. Either way, there was a quirkiness and charm to the people and the environment.

In the morning, we were faced with a six or seven hour trip home, so we decided not to stick around too long. However, we did go for a drive around town before leaving. Once again, I was struck by the apocalyptic, empty, lonely feeling that arose in me while looking out at Moose Jaw. The buildings all seemed too big for the town. They were run down and seemingly uncared for (at least visually). However, there was an extreme beauty to these buildings at the same time. Moose Jaw was completely unique to me in a way that I just can’t put my finger on. It had the feel of a large city that had been mostly abandoned. As I mentioned earlier, the buildings just seemed too big for the city.

I realized at this point that there was no purpose, and never would be a purpose to the road trip. I hadn’t thought about work for about 24 hours and that’s what really counts. I removed television, computers, and many other stimuli that keep my brain jumping all the time. Instead, I just listened to soft music and stared out at near nothingness. This lack of stimuli relaxed and refreshed me. The lack of purpose WAS the purpose. I’m tired of always having a purpose to what I do!

The idea of small town living gained another point in my big city books. In fact, I have decided to write a book called “In search of Cicely.” I doubt it will ever happen, but I like the idea of this book. I am obsessed with the show Northern Exposure. Since I was a kid, I have wanted to live in a little teeny quirky town such as the fictional Cicely, Alaska in which the show takes place. I would love to travel Canada in search of a town that lives up to the standards that Cicely has set. It would be a fun Canadian travel book, similar to the stuff that Will Ferguson does. But, I would have to magically become a great comedic writer. If that happens, I’ll give it a try!

This trip back was fun, and pretty much exactly the same as the trip in reverse. We were a little depressed that our weekend was done, and we had nothing to show for it but a very brief memory of Moose Jaw.

All I know is that I would like to go back to Saskatchewan when I can explore a little further. Maybe next time I can see Saskatoon and Regina too!

Or perhaps we’ll go south next time…

Sean

P.S. I had many beautiful pictures of the trip but (insert long boring story here) so I don’t have them. Sorry!

I forgot just how much I love days off. I forgot because for the last several months, my days off have been spent writing papers and studying urology. The last couple days I have instead been watching my second favorite all-time show on DVD. I recevied the first two seasons of Northern Exposure for Christmas, and yesterday I bought season three.

This second clip will give you a clue as to what I think is the all-time best television show EVER! What’s with the video quality though? I expect much better from youtube.com!

*laugh*

I have also been studying for the Canadian Registered Nurse Exam. I know, so much for that whole thing about not studying on days off that I just mentioned. For those that don’t know, this exam is the Canadian equivalent of the NCLEX that the United States has.

This test is nothing but a giant headache for me (And today, it has literally caused a headache). They changed the format a couple years ago from all multiple choice to half multiple choice and half short answer. This means several horrible things. First and foremost, the test is harder. Second is that the text now takes several months to mark and return, rather than days because they have to hire people to sit in a room and mark thes short answer questions (oh how I envy the fact that in the U.S. you get your results a couple days later and can call yourself an RN). Finally, because of all this extra time and expensive manpower, the test now costs approximately $500 rather than the previous $200 (ish).

I find the above to be wrong on so many levels. And the more I think about it, the more I feel that a bachelor’s degree from a university nursing program accredited by the Canadian Nurses Association (yes…they create the exam every year) should be proof enough that I am qualified to work as a nurse. Think of all the time and money it would save if they simply decided to stop administering the exam.

However, that is extremely unlikely to happen. You know….tradition…and stuff.

So, today I have been going through and answering question after question about nursing. Now, one HUGE difference between the Canadian test and the U.S. test is that the Canadian test is focused on psychosocial issues, rather than biological. The U.S. test may ask you what an appropriate hemoglobin result is, but the Canadian test will ask you how you should respond to the patients feelings regarding their low hemoglobin results.

Uhm…barf

The test is extremely focused on therapeutic communication. I think they assume that we will learn the science of nursing while practicing, but the “fluffy” aspects of nursing must be taught in school. I actually believe the opposite.

What can I say though. This enormous test is just one more obstacle, and I’m getting quite used to dealing with obstacles. I think I’m just a little jealous of the NCLEX and wish our test was a similar format and style. Those preparing for the NCLEX may disagree.

*shrug*

This song (as you all probably know) is called “Mad World” by Gary Jules. It was originally done by Tear for Fears. I love the Tears for Fears version, but this version captures and bottles a sense of despair that really seemed to be present in the world last year.

Words can’t describe how much I have fallen in love with this song over the last few months! And the video is VERY cool! This song will always represent 2006 in my mind. It truly captures the essence of what I was feeling. There are days when the world was just too much for me. I was surrounded by people that were dying, homeless, depressed, suicidal, crazy, angry…oh the list goes on. Life was overwhelming, and at times being “numb” and going through the motions without any emotions was all I could do to get by.

BUT, it’s time to move on. 2007 is about optimisim and hope. It’s about rewiring how I see the world. The first year out of nursing school is traditionally said to be the hardest, and I really thing it will be. However, I think it will be my best. I am recognizing that the challenges in my job are exactly what keeps me going back every day. I have chosen one of the most intellectually stimulating careers out there, and I find myself looking forward to coming home and pouring over my text books, researching many of the things I experience during the day.

Practicing on your own after nursing school offers a freedom that I can’t put a price on. I love being able to do things on my own, I love knowing that when I need someone to show me a new procedure there’s no pressure of being judged or marked. I love being able to organize and prioritize my day however I feel fit. I have strong, sometimes controversial, beliefs towards some aspects of nursing practice. I am feeling so much better that I can practice with these beliefs guiding the way I work.

I think 2006 will be the year I learned exactly what I hate about nursing, and 2007 will be the year I fall in love with this profession. Last year I fell into the common trap of going to work with a negative attitude (easy when it’s all around you). This year, I feel I will be going to work every day with optimism and positive vibes.

I now know that failures and bad days only serve to bring me closer to success and happiness.

So, how did I spend my New Years Eve? During our countdown to 2007, a call bell rang. We answered on the intercom to a panicked voice shouting, “I can’t breath!” So, at exactly midnight, I was running to get a non-rebreather mask while my coworkers ran to the patient.

She was fine….

Here’s a much happier song to bring in the new year! It describes my crazy hope and optimism that is pulling me into 2007. Yes, I’m probably crazy for being so happy and excited. We all know that it just invites fate to take aim at us…right?

This is “Crazy” by Andy Bell.

I have seen a few people do a month-to-month recap of their life in 2006, and I have been loving it! I really want to see more people partake…so hit those old blogs and start summarizing!

JANUARY

This is the month I started my Community Health Nursing clinical. My team was placed at a homeless shelter for teenagers. If only I had known what was in store for me in this clinical! Lets just say I became much more comfortable with conflict, and with standing up for what I believe. Our group was strong, and some of my strongest friendships in nursing were formed. However, every day was a new struggle with our instructor. She made our semester a living nightmare in more ways than I can describe. The entire event was so horrific that I have literally (and I mean literally…not that thing where people say “literally” but actually mean “figuratively”) blocked out many aspects of the semester.

What I did learn was confidence in my own abilities to work academically, that I can achieve a hell of a lot when I force myself to push my limits, and that no matter how rough life is…if you’re working with people you trust and like, you can achieve near miracles.

FEBRUARY

This month was INSANE! Amongst the hell and chaos of my Community Health Nursing semester, Richard and I moved to our new apartment. Nothing else happened because there really wasn’t time for anything else!

It was sad to say goodbye to the old apartment, even though I hated it. After all, it was where Richard lived when we first met. There were a lot of good memories there.

MARCH

This is the month I walked out on my job at Starbucks, appalled at the way they treated me (both the management and customers). One day, while working, I told them I wasn’t coming back, and I left. It was a great feeling that arose from a new found sense of confidence. I decided that I deserved better than what they were offering, and I left. I have yet to regret the decision at all.

I remember being greatful that I wouldn’t have to work for the rest of the semester, since Community Health was kicking my butt! I believe it was two days later that the hospital called and offered me a job as an Nursing Attendant, leading to a job as an Undergraduate Nurse for the summer. In thispost, I describe my first days in this job.

This is the month I started my now deceased podcast. I could never decide exactly what I wanted to focus on, barely anybody listened, and it was just too much work for almost no reward. I loved it though, and if I can find something with more direction, perhaps I will take up the challenge again.

APRIL

Not a lot happened in April (at least that I can remember…or that I posted about). I continued to publish podcasts, and community health nursing was finally coming to an end. While I was glad to say goodbye to the nursing instructor from hell, I was sad to say goodbye to some of my team members who had become extremely close friends.

MAY

This month, it was back to adult med/surg for a month. I worked on a medical teaching unit, something I was dreading, but eventually loved. I thought I was a surgical nurse through-and-through, but during this clinical I discovered that medicine can be very interesting and fun. It was during this clinical that I began IV initiations…something that I’m still horrible at. I can’t seem to start an IV on the biggest of veins. But, in May, I had one successful start.

This is the month that a man jumped out of a sixth floor window of the hospital, landing only feet from a crowd of people at the entrance of the hospital. What a scene that was! If you think lots of doctors run to a code blue, you should see how many run to a mangled body on the ground. The broken window didn’t get fixed for days, and every time I walk past that spot, I can still vividly visualize the pair of shoes sticking out from behind the bush that concealed his death.

This was, of course, the month of the Waterton retreat. It was a beautiful and refreshing weekend that was filled with joy. In my mind it will represent the best of the final times spent with my friends before we were shattered to the core. Plans for the doomed Sunlit Grove were just beginning, and bonds between everyone seemed strong. I didn’t know it then, but looking back, I think the seeds of things to come were already there.

JUNE

This is the month I became an almost real nurse. I started working on the surgical oncology ward as a paid nurse with my own patient assignment. I hated every minute of it. I was not emotionally, physically, or intellectually prepared for what laid ahead of me for the next three months. I hated the nurses, doctors, and patients. The experience made me bitter and truly had me questioning my choice of careers.

JULY

There’s not much to say about July. I continued to struggle with my job on the surgical oncology unit. Every day was such a struggle that I just wanted to collapse!

AUGUST

Finally! I had a bit of a break when Richard and I went to Victoria for a short four-day vacation. Richard and I made the decision to eventually move to Victoria after We fell in love with the place instantly. We also headed down to Waterton for my B-day, and I took up the guitar again.

SEPTEMBER

This is the month that marked the beginning of the end of my nursing student career. I began my final clinical practicum on a urology unit, which I loved! The nurses were kind and accepting, the patients were infinitely less acute and “scary” compared to the surgical oncology unit, and I actually felt respected as a nurse and human.

This is the month I finally took the plunge and bought my own domain! YAY! I officially own nursesean.com

OCTOBER

This was one hell of a stressful month. Sunlit Grove was destroyed, and so were friendships. I’m still convinced that it all could have been avoided. Miscommunications occurred, people made assumptions that just weren’t true, and tempers ran high.

I learned that when given the choice, humans will choose to see the bad side of people rather than the good, and that they will create negativity where it doesn’t exist. Furthermore, I learned that this negativity only serves to create more negativity. I learned that private conversations are never private because there will always be someone trying to listen…so always talk about people as though they are eavesdropping. I learned that I am OK with conflict, that I have a large capacity for forgiveness, and that I can be humbled. I also learned that being disappointed in someone’s behavior doesn’t stop me from caring about them or being their friend.

More than anything, I learned that sometimes something that is broken just cannot be fixed.

NOVEMBER

This was a month of hard work and reflection. Amongst the numerous hospital shifts and papers, I desperately tried to piece together my thoughts and feelings regarding my spirituality and the fallout from Sunlit Grove. I decided to stay with Spira, but I feel very alone. I am the “odd man out,” not belonging to any group. To be honest, that’s exactly where I need to be. I don’t have the emotional or time commitment to be a part of a spiritual group at this time. I am drained in that department.

I also had to decide where to work following graduation in December. As much as I hated my summer in surgical oncology, my gut instinct was that it was where I needed to be. So, I took an RN position to start on December 11th.

DECEMBER

DONE! I finished school! I didn’t really have time for emotions. Two days after my last shift on the urology unit, I was starting back on the Surgical Oncology unit. On my very first day after graduation, I was in charge of two students! So surreal!

There was an incredibly different vibe on the unit compared to the previous summer. The staff were kinder, I had more freedom, and I didn’t feel so lost all the time. I realized just how much I had learned over the last several months. I am extremely happy with my job there, and I find myself excited to go to work. Every day is infinitely fascinating and exciting. More than anything, I love being considered an “equal” amongst the nurses, rather than an annoyance.

I am looking forward to the new-year, imagining it as a beautiful blank slate. I am free to stretch my limits both in my new career and spiritually. I have laid the groundwork, and only now am I free to truly grow as a person.

I think 2007 will be an amazing year!

Saturday at 07:30am I finished my last shift as a nursing student. I officially became a nurse with a degree and a temporary license (pending my writing of the RN exam).

What was stranger than anything occured while I was working my first shift as a real nurse on Monday morning. About five minutes into the shift, two eager nursing students introduced themselves and told me they would be with me for the day.

I was verifying doses of medications and supervising nursing skills that less than 48 hours earlier I myself needed to have varified and supervised. I was teaching, checking charting, and giving advise.

It was just so incredibly…..surreal…..

I have been a bad bad bad bad blogger. But who can blame me? I’m in the final throes of my nursing degree and I just don’t have the time. Today, I walked into the university and plopped down my final project of my final practicum of my Bachelor’s Degree in Nursing. It was a nasty project, as evidenced by the necessity of a table of contents. You KNOW a project is too long when it needs a table of contents. It was sixty-six pages in all.

Yesterday in the mail I received my license to practice nursing in Alberta. It is a temporary RN license pending the results of my Canadian Registered Nurse Examination. We have a horrible system here in Canada. Our test is hand-written and includes long answer questions. As a result it takes months to mark everyone’s exams. That means, I won’t receive my official license until April-ish (I think). Unfortunately, they won’t allow us to use the term RN. We have call ourselves Graduate Nurses (GN) until our licenses are permanent. So, there’s many months to go until I can write those magic letters.

My last shift as a nursing student is Friday 23:15 to 07:30, then I report to work at 07:15 Monday for my first shift as a paid, full-fledged nurse. It really doesn’t seem as exciting as it sounds. I have been working almost full time as a nurse since May. Sometimes it was paid, sometimes it was as a student. In the end, Monday will just feel like another day with pretty much nothing different.

I decided to work on the Surgical Oncology unit that I worked on during the summer. While it isn’t my favorite unit in terms of coworkers or patient load, it will certainly offer me infinite learning opportunities that I just couldn’t get otherwise. I also have other units emailing me from Calgary and Victoria trying to “woo” me. Seriously, if anybody likes the idea of people begging them to work for them without solicitation, become a registered nurse! We don’t have traditional interviews where managers ask us questions…instead, we get sales pitches

Anyway, I really don’t have much to say. I have just been completely enveloped in clinical shifts and writing horribly lengthy papers. Hopefully, as my life picks up, I will have more to talk about in my journal….not to mention more time!